Ghost Rider

I recently finished reading Neil Peart's book The Ghost Rider. Prior to this book he wrote another book called The Masked Rider. That book was well written and allowed your imagination to create what he was describing; a bicycle tour with a group of individuals through the country of Cameroon. The Ghost Rider is the compilation of his journal entries, letters to friends, and memories of a period of his life during and after the loss of his daughter and wife. Talk about a dark subject. The fact that he made it through and at some point felt compelled to tell his story, really resonates with me. That kind of thing just shows me how strong and resilient a human can be. He also has shown me that it is possible to move on and rebuild a life, even though I often wonder how, why, and what's the point. Because of his book and what he's written I've been writing in a journal. It's also dark and often times depressing. But it really helps me collect my thoughts and helps me put my mind at rest so I can attempt to sleep.

This period of my life right now is so bizarre. I still exist and still make the appearance that I'm a stable person, but inside there's nothing but turmoil. A conclusion Neil came to is only movement could ease his pain. I've found this to be true, but you can only move so much. Just like he describes in his book, I too have demons come out at times of rest and that's when moving on and trying to be positive is hard.

What's so difficult is trying to understand what my future holds. Or better yet, do I even have a future or one I want? Nine and half years of my life were dedicated to my wife and now that that dedication is gone, ultimately a huge part of my life is gone. Desires, laughter, love, communication has all been taken away. Any attempt at being social now has this weird skew to it that makes being social even more difficult for my introverted-ness. Mostly I feel just negative towards being social. Unfortunately for my friends and family their attempts at helping me do little more than shortly cheer me up.

I don't know. I'm at a loss for everything and don't know what to do, but go through the motions day by day and hope I will slowly work through this. Maybe one day come out at some point as a sane and slightly happy person.

In attempt to leave on a lighter note, here's a picture of a window display I saw today on a motorbike ride.

Fan of farmland

Riding into rural Minnesota is a spiritual experience. It's also a place I can loose myself just looking off into the rolling hills and let my imagination run wild. I'm a romantic when it comes to this lifestyle. Early mornings, working all day, quiet evenings by the fire with a glass of whiskey and the dog keeping your feet warm. What more could you want? Well the city life has its perks too. A night life for one.

It's very clear in rural Minnesota that people who are proud of their life make it known. Biblical passages on signs, murals on buildings, lawn art, and little craft stores running out of their barn. Sometime their messages are encouraging and others are to instill fear. Some are just fun, like a town sign listing its inhabitants. The last line of that sign was "and 2 dogs."

Farmland just isn't scenic. Your sense of smell is also stimulated or punished, depending on your taste. There are earthy smells. The dairy farm or recently turned soil has a sweet smell. The smell reminds me of having dirt under my finger nails when I was prepping some dirt for a hobby vegetable farm. That smell awakens memories of having dirt run ground between my fingers and palms, then dry up and crack at all the joints of my fingers.

I think back about a bike tour I did a few years back where I road in south-west Minnesota for 5 days. There are things I saw and people I met that made me proud to live in this country. A different lifestyle and from the outsider's view point a simpler one.

Welcome

Riding bikes, eating all sorts of vegan food, drinking delicious beers, and playing with my dog is what I do. Don't expect much from me, except for some rudimentary photo shopped pictures and some bs.